To Go Or Not to Go, That Is The Question

To Go or Not to Go

Last Sunday, June 14, was supposed to be me my 12th half ironman race, Grand Rapids Half Ironman. I was ready, I was semi tapered and I was there! I was there, in fact I almost got to the transition area but I decided to turn around and not start. Why? I still ask myself the same question. Did I make the right decision? It seemed so at that time, but as the day progressed I wasn't so sure.

So what happened, why did I not start?

I got to Grand Rapid on Friday night ready to race. On Saturday I followed my usual (or almost usual pre-race routine). I opened the day with a short open water swim. Despite the grey sky and the light rain, I got it done (although not without hesitation before going into the cold water).

Saturday Open Water Swim Practice

The swim went well and I felt good for the race the following day. Getting out of the water, I got very cold and decided to skip the run in favor of going back to the hotel and warming up.

The weather was getting nicer and a little warmer as we headed to the packet pickup and at dinner we even sat outdoors. I was feeling good about the race. Strangely so this time no pre-race butterflies. Should that have been the sign that something is off?
 
Sunday morning, 4:30am the alarm rings. I don't think I slept for more than 1 hour that night. This time not because of pre-race nerves but because other guests were making so much noise. I was tired and felt off my game (well whatever game I have anyway). Then I heard the rain outside, going down hard. OK, so it's raining, it's supposed to be 80F out plus last year it rained too, right up to the start. We got to the car and drove to the race start. Walking towards the transition area in the downpour I was turning purple, it sure is not 80F out, more like 60F and raining hard. The rain was expected to last all day per the forecast. We still had over an hour to wait in the cold a rain until race start. What do I?

Should I stay or should I go?

That is a hard decision to make on race day. I tried to make an objective call, but that is never the

The Butterflies were not there

case, there is no objective call if I am the one that is making it. I was trying to go with my gut here. I was tired from lack of sleep, I was cold and wet, and on that morning I didn't have that drive that you need to carry you through the next 5 plus hours to the finish line. The butterflies were not there. I only had excuses as to why not start. It's not a good place to be when starting a race this long.  

It is not the first time I chose not to start a race, in fact it is the second triathlon that I chose not to start because of weather, but this time it was a half ironman distance. I was torn. Walking back to the car and seeing all the others walking toward the transition area - I kept thinking - is this the right decision? There still is time to turn around and go back and race, but my drive wasn't there. There will be no Rule #5 for this girl today. I am bailing.

Back in the car where its nice warm and dry, I started to turn pink again, but the nagging feeling of "did I do the right thing" kept coming back. In fact it still does 3 days after the race (or non-race). It took me most of the day on Sunday to snap out of it and I finally dragged myself out for a long run. Even then I was still beating myself for not racing one second and telling myself it was the right call the other.

It turned out that it was raining the whole time during the race. Yes, it makes me feel a little better about my decision but not a whole lot more.

I guess I will never know if this was the right call, but that was the call I made. There is nothing I can do about it right now. Dwelling on the past is not helpful and actually can be very disruptive to training. I just need to let it go. There will always be another race.

Time to focus on my next big thing. I am hereby letting Sunday go and focusing on the rest of the season.


Thanks for reading.